The Marvelous Misadventure of Saya Haruno and Mikoto Uchiha
by Kyuubi's Angel of Darkness
Summary: Two mothers united by a common cause around the world. GRANDCHILDREN! And proving that stupid cousin Koran wrong of course. No force of nature or pesky Sasuke will stop these two from making their awkward children 'get it on'. Will they get grandchildren to spoil? Poor Itachi and Sakura, they have no idea what's coming. Now rated M because of second chapter :P Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

**Yo. Here's something that just popped in my head and made me laugh so I had to write it! lol enjoy.**

* * *

There were three things in life a mother never wants to hear: one, your daughter was arrested last week; two, your daughter is 16 and pregnant and now has AIDS; and three, _"Heeeeeyyy mom, you know my friend Sasuke? Yeah? Great well uh, I'm dating his brother, who is about five years older than me, and is also my English teacher. Heh heh small world right?"_

Saya Haruno growled and ceased tapping her blood red fingernail against the kitchen counter. The neon green numbers of the microwave clock flashed to 5:25. Five minutes until her precious baby girl will bring that cradle snatching teacher she calls a boyfriend, over to meet mommy. The young woman of thirty-six licked her lips slowly in a predatory fashion. Her daughter may be eighteen and therefore legally an adult, but that changed nothing in Saya's book. Apparently this Itachi person was _"a highly accomplished genius who graduated college early and will be taking over the family company that is worth billions."_ she quoted sourly. If he was so freaking accomplished then why on earth was he teaching English at her daughters school? _"Its so he could keep a better eye on Sasuke mom, he's very protective of him. It's sooo cute."_ Saya groaned and bashed her head on the counter top. If only her big sister were in town; not only did Sakura adore her aunt and practically worship the ground she walked on, that woman was terrifying. It would be as easy as melting butter to scare off this 'English *coughcradlerobbercough* teacher' in the defense of her precious niece. However her beloved older sister was away at an _"extremely important medical conference that will determine whether or not the new vaccine for the swine flu will be given to the public."_

Lies. She's probably blowing her cash somewhere at a casino, getting her ass handed to her in a card game, and drinking herself into a stupor.

Damn that Tsunade.

Poor cousin Shizune.

Saya's head jerked up as the sound of a car door being slammed echoed from outside. Making her way into the living room, she peaked through the curtains and saw a sleek, shiny, black, expensive, looking car parked in her driveway. _"Oh my Kami-sama! He's a criminal too!"_ she thought horrified. As footsteps approached the front door, the silver haired woman threw herself into the kitchen and pulled out a carrot, inconspicuously chopping it into small bits. The door opened, "Mom, I'm home! And I brought Itachi for you to meet!" Saya grimaced and quickly schooled her features. Putting on a polite smile she walked into the living room, "Sakura-chan!" she cooed. "I'm so happy you brought Itachi-san here so I could meet-"

She felt her jaw promptly make its aquaintance with the ground as she openly stared at the man, no model her daughter had obviously kidnapped. This couldn't be that Itachi fellow she had heard her sweet angel babble on about!

This man was a GOD!

He was tall, probably around six foot three, and had long, black hair pulled into a neat ponytail at the nape of his neck. Dark, midnight blue, nearly black eyes, framed by the longest eyelashes EVER, glanced at her in barely concealed confusion. Visible stress lines slid diagonally down the bridge of his nose but somehow managed to enhance his handsome features and give him a mature appearance. His body, oh Kami she was NOT drooling at the sight of this man who was thirteen years her junior, was lean and muscular without an over exaggerated build. A well sculpted six pack was easily visible through his grey muscle shirt and he had long slender fingers. She did a double take, DAMN that boy had a FINE ass. Her only thought besides this incredibly sexy man, who was sadly not her age, and was standing in the middle of her living room was: _"OH. MY. KAMI! I am going to have the most beautiful grandchildren EVER! Finally I can rub it in that stupid cousin Koran's face that my daughter will produce more gorgeous babies than her stupid daughter Karin! What am I waiting for?! Let's get these grandchildren on the way!"_

Sakura coughed awkwardly as her mother continued to gape at her boyfriend. "Mom?" she questioned. Saya snapped to attention and quickly rushed over, "It's such a pleasure Itachi-san! WELCOME TO THE FAMILY!" she exclaimed while rapidly shaking his hand. He eyed her curiously. "Thank you Haruno-san. It is an honor to finally meet you." "Haha call me Saya, Itachi-san! Anyways Sakura-chan, I uh, have to be leaving now!" Sakura glanced at her in confusion, "But we just got here?" Saya giggled nervously. "Yes well uh, I just remembered that, I have to go uh, help A CUSTOMER GET SETTLED IN THEIR NEW HOME! Yes I have to help them so I'll be gone for uh, A WEEK! Yep a whole week! I wouldn't want you to be lonely so Itachi-san can stay with you! There's five hundred cash in the cookie jar, the fridge is stocked, movies on the shelf, and condomsareinthedrawerbutwhon eedscondems?honestlyyou'remuchbetteroffwithoutthem!havefun !" With that the mother scurried out of the door, only after asking what Itachi's address was "just in case". The two remaining occupants of the house blinked then glanced at each other. "What was that last part?" The Uchiha questioned. Sakura shrugged. "I'm not quite sure to be honest, but I think she liked you!" Itachi shrugged his shoulders and embraced his girlfriend, resting his chin on top of her head.

* * *

Saya sped down the dark road, her rusty truck well exceeding the speed limit of sixty miles per hour. As the approaching house came into view, she slammed on the brakes and skidded into the driveway. She threw herself out of the truck and sprinted up the driveway. When she was close enough, she reached out and banged her fist loudly on the door. She quickly composed herself and waited patiently. The door opened tentatively and a beautiful, dark haired woman poked her head out shyly. "Yes?" she asked. "Mikoto Uchiha?" she questioned with a straight face. The woman nodded. "Saya Haruno. We have some serious business to talk about." At the familiar last name, Mikoto's face split into a big grin. "Do come in Saya-san!"

Mikoto squealed in excitement. "Really! You left them alone! What a splendid idea! Oh Kami-sama these are going to be beautiful grandchildren!" Saya nodded sagely. "Not only that, but I have cameras planted everywhere around and in my house. We won't miss a thing if we hook this cord up to a computer or two." That said she produced a long silver cord with several attachments from her purse. "KYAA! I CAN'T WAIT!" The Uchiha matriarch shrieked.

A few minutes later the two women were seated in front of several computers, tubs of various ice cream flavors surrounded them and snacks were piled high around them. When the cord was plugged in, an hour glass sign blinked on screen before an image of the Haruno household was shown. Mikoto giggled excitedly as Itachi and Sakura were seen sitting on the couch together. The two young mothers leaned close to the screen, intently observing what would undoubtedly be the creation of their new grandchildren. Seconds passed, then minutes, finally half an hour passed. Saya sighed irritably, "Why are they just sitting there?" "Are our children socially and sexually awkward?!" Mikoto cried mournfully. Both women exchanged a glance before bursting into tears. "At this rate we'll never get grandkids!" Saya cried while Mikoto sobbed into her shoulder. As they blew their noses into hankies, a movement on the screen startled them back into attention. Itachi had turned toward Sakura, he leaned in closer. Saya and Mikoto stared and waited with baited breath. Itachi brushed his hand over her shoulder. _"You had a piece of lint on your shoulder." _he murmured. Sakura blushed. _"Thank you. Your so sweet." _she cooed.

Mikoto and Saya collapsed. "**_WHAT THE HELL!_**" They screeched. "**_WHERE'S THE STEAMY ACTION, THE ROMANCE, THE SENSUALITY!_**" Their chests heaved after their rant. "Is this what kids do nowadays? Back in our day, there used to be parties. Drinking, drugs and sex was an everyday thing! Where did we go wrong in our parenting?" Saya sobbed. Mikoto rubbed her back sympathetically. "That's how it still is, our precious angels are just too, too, too..." Mikoto trailed off searching for the right word. "Prudish." They chorused. "Saving virginity for marriage." Mikoto scoffed. "That's what Fugaku drilled into Itachi-kun's head." Saya rubbed her eyes. "How ridiculous. They're obviously made for each other so they should just fuck like bunnies." "Yeah!" Mikoto yelped. "Who needs ideals and morals anyways!?" The women turned their attention back to the screen, glaring at it. It seems Itachi and Sakura were now watching a movie. "How cliche, they really are terrible at this." Mikoto moaned. Saya blinked. "Hold on, that's one of my old steamy romance movies! Really hot stuff in there. My old boyfriends used to try and watch 'em with me so they could get some. And I would always put them in different movie cases so Sakura-chan wouldn't accidentally stumble on them." Mikoto's eyes widened. "That means there's still hope for them! YES!" Squealing happily and clapping their hands, the mothers waited excitedly for the action to come.

* * *

Sasuke was confused. He hadn't seen his aniki in hours and couldn't help but wonder where he had gone. Not that he was worried or anything. He just wanted to make sure that he wouldn't be back anytime soon so Sasuke could eat the leftover dango without being mauled. Yeah, that was it. As he passed one of the various media rooms in the Uchiha mansion, he heard high pitched squeals from the other side of the door. He paused. One of those was undoubtedly his mother but the other, he had no idea. Curiosity peaked, he opened the door and poked his head in. The sight that greeted him was enough to make him nearly vomit. There was his mother and another unknown woman with silver hair staring intently at a screen. It wasn't this rather unusual scene that made his stomach turn unpleasantly though, it was the image on the screen. There was his beloved aniki and his best friend Sakura, making out on a couch. Sakura's hands were making their way under Itachi's shirt while Itachi's hands ever so slightly dipped below the waistband of her skirt, Sakura moaned. Sasuke's face paled dramatically. He wouldn't be able to look either in the eye for months. "Saya-chan you are amazing!" His mother chirped. "Please, Mikoto-chan you're quite amazing yourself!" The woman apparently named Saya replied. "Mother?" Sasuke croaked. Large, black eyes turned to him. "Ah Sasu-chan! How are you?" His mother cooed. The silver haired woman turned towards him, familiar bright green eyes surveying him with curiosity. Mikoto giggled. "Oops, I almost forgot. Saya-chan this is Sasuke-kun, my youngest." Saya's eyes lit up with recognition. "Oh, so you're Sakura-chan's friend Sasuke!" Sasuke blanched, so that was why she looked familiar, this was Sakura's mom.

Great.

His mother, Sakura's mother, and a screen with video of Sakura and Itachi that was rapidly crossing the PG boundary, this didn't look good. "Mother, what are you doing?" He asked, afraid to hear the answer. "Watching the knitting channel." Both mothers replied automatically. Behind them a pleasure filled moan sounded from the screen. Sasuke twitched. "Riiight." he drawled. "Would _Father _approve of this 'knitting channel' mother?" Mikoto's eyes widened and the next thing he knew, a tub of ice-cream smacked Sasuke right in the middle of his face. It slowly fell from his face and with a squishy _plop_ sound, the tub landed on the floor. The Uchiha matriarch's eyes blazed. "Fugaku-kun would approve because he isn't going to know. Right _Sasu-chan?_" She purred. Sasuke gulped. "Yes mother." She smiled threateningly. "Good boy! Now run along Sasu-chan, Mommy and Saya-chan are having an important meeting." Sasuke nodded. He would have to apologize to Itachi and Sakura later. Another loud moan sounded. _Twitch._ Scratch that, as soon as he could look at them again without puking he would apologize.

* * *

Fugaku Uchiha considered himself a lucky man. He had a great job and a wonderful family. Even though sometimes he was a little harsh on his sons, he felt they were on their way to achieving great things. He couldn't help but smirk a bit with pride, obviously they were on their way to great things because of his wonderful teachings. As he hummed a quiet tune on his way home from work, he noticed a sleek black car parked in a driveway. His humming ceased. He wondered why on earth his eldest son was currently at an unknown house at nearly eleven at night. He gasped horrified. He couldn't be with a, a, a! The word was almost to much to spit out. A GIRLFRIEND! There he thought it. His eyes narrowed then widened. He chuckled to himself. Itachi, out late at a girlfriend's house, Fugaku had taught him better than that. After all it was the most important lesson he taught his sons, save your virginity for marriage. But, it wouldn't hurt to check on his son anyways. With that, he turned into the driveway and shut off his car.

Saya's eyes widened as she observed the scene on on of the various computers. A bit of panic crept into her tone as she shook Mikoto's shoulder. "There's someone approaching the door! It's going to kill the moment if they knock or ring the bell!" Mikoto gasped upon seeing her husbands face. "What is Fugaku doing there!" she shrieked. Quickly she fumbled for the phone in her pocket and pressed one on the speed dial list. Holding the device to her ear she waited.

As Fugaku climbed the numerous steps up to the door, he couldn't help but notice how badly his back hurt. When he got home he would be able to eat some of his wife's delicious food then maybe convince her to massage his back. She was such an angel she probably wouldn't mind. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out, smiling softly as he saw who was calling. Speaking of his beautiful, sweet, nurturing wife. "Hello Hime." he greeted sweetly. "**FUGAKU UCHIHA!**" A frightening voice thundered. He nearly dropped his phone in surprise. "M-mikoto?" he stammered. "Fugaku I don't care what you are doing, you come home **NOW.**" Forgetting his son Fugaku scrambled down the steps, threw himself into his car after yanking the door open, and sped quickly down the road. Mikoto turned toward Saya with a big grin on her face. The silver haired woman applauded respectively. Both turned back to the screen eagerly.

It had taken six long hours, several close-calls, bribing (really threatening) Sasuke, and all the will-power of the two stubborn mothers but they had finally done it. Their socially, not to mention sexually, awkward children had finally, _finally, _stopped being prudes and 'got some' to put it loosely. Now that the hard part was over, all they had to do was wait for results. The two mothers sighed tiredly. Anything for the prospect of grandkids, they supposed.

* * *

"And that's how you were conceived!" Saya finished dramatically while Mikoto cheered. As they came out of their story telling stupor, the two women took notice of the horrified expressions on their (absolutely GORGEOUS) grand-children's faces. The fraternal twins were speechless for a moment. Amaterasu tucked a long strand of red-blonde hair behind her ear, a nervous habit. "M-Mother and Father, they weren't even married when Mother was pregnant?" she stammered. "Not only that, but they had only been dating for three months?" Tsukiyomi finished his sisters thought incredulously, bright green eyes widening while he shook his long, black hair in disbelief. Amaterasu's dark eyes filled with tears. "Were we an accident?!" she shrieked. "Uhh." Both grandmothers trailed off. On that note the door opened. "We're back." came Sakura's bell-like voice. As she and Itachi stepped into the living room she noticed her two children's teary faces and her mother and mother-in-law's sheepish expressions. Her eyes narrowed. "You didn't." she said, shocked. "Uhh." came the same response. The two children burst into tears and ran into the other room. "Ah shit." Sakura swore, dashing into the room to comfort her two eleven year olds. Itachi stared at the other two occupants in the room. He sighed as his children's shrieks could be heard. "DO YOU AND FATHER EVEN LOVE EACH OTHER?" came Amaterasu's cry. "OF COURSE WE DO!" came Sakura's exasperated yell. "Mother does this make you a whore?" came Tsukiyomi's somewhat calm question. Dead silence. "WHERE IN THE HELL DID YOU LEARN THAT WORD! I BET IT WAS THAT FUCKING HIDAN! ITACHI YOUR BASTARD FRIEND IS TEACHING OUR KIDS FUCKING EXPLICITS!" "UNCLE HIDAN DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE SOMETHING AS IMPORTANT AS YOU NOT EVEN BEING IN A STEADY RELATIONSHIP WHEN WE WERE BORN, OUT OF OUR KNOWLEDGE!" Amaterasu screeched. Itachi sighed and felt the sudden urge to make his head acquainted with the nice-looking brick wall in their kitchen. He glared at his mother and mother-in-law. "You two are never babysitting again." his deep baritone announced. Both women pouted as more shrieks and screams could be heard from the other room.

* * *

**haha the end. I hope you guys enjoy this. It was making me laugh while writing and was a good little stress relief. Don't worry for those of you who are waiting for chapter one of the rewritten 'Untitled', i swear i'm almost done. I'm just being a lazy-ass and taking a long time to do it. Anyways, until next time everyone! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! I'VE BEEN INSPIRED! So, here's the sequel of 'The Marvelous Misadventures of Saya Haruno and Mikoto Uchiha!' _YortUchiha_, this is for you! :D thanks for suggesting such a wonderful idea, however this wont just be Fugaku's reaction. It will be everyone's and I mean everyone's.**

* * *

•*.Sakura.*•

Sakura's pale hand trembled dangerously as she held the pregnancy test. To afraid to look, she gripped the counter top and inhaled deeply. "Psh, what am I so nervous about? I mean we just did it one time, Neji and TenTen have been trying for months and they haven't gotten a baby. I'm just getting worked up for nothing." After the mini pep-talk, she exhaled and looked at the results.

Positive.

"Well fuck."

•*.Itachi.*•

Itachi was a man of commitment, when he said he would do something, he did it.

There was nothing life could throw at him that he couldn't handle.

As he opened the door to his apartment, he saw his beautiful girlfriend of four months sitting on the couch and staring fixedly at a spot on his bookcase. Puzzled but pleasently surprised, he approached her and lay his chin on the top of her pink head. "What brings you here Sakura?" He inquired. She shrugged. "Oh nothing really. Hey quick question: if we were to ever move in together, how would you want the spare room decorated?" He frowned thoughtfully at the weird question. "Well, it would have to have a bed and stuff..." He trailed off uncertainly, unsure how to answer. It was Sakura's turn to frown thoughtfully. "Too soon for a bed." Itachi was a little more than just puzzled now. In answer to his unasked question. Sakura stood and gave him a cheerful yet strained smile. "I'm pregnant!" She cheered somewhat excitedly.

_*thump* _

"Omigod Itachi!"

•*.Saya Haruno.*•

Saya Haruno examined her perfect manicure, wondering if lime green was really her color. Her daughter stood across from her, nervously shifting her weight from foot to foot. "So mom..." She trailed off. Saya glanced up and after a few minutes of awkward silence, raised a silver eyebrow. "What is it Saku-chan?" she asked. Sakura seemed to twitch at the sound of her voice. "Well... I'm, I'm... PREGNANT!" she screeched.

Dead silence.

Sakura counted down to the beating she was sure to receive.

_5_

_4_

_3_

_2_

_1-_

"KYAAAAAAAAAAA! REALLY?! THAT'S MY GIRL!" Was the triumphant shriek that greeted her ears. The pink haired woman's eyes widened and her eyebrows disappeared into her hair line. She spluttered but her overjoyed mother seemed to take no notice. "OH I'M SO PROUD OF YOU SAKU-CHAN! I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL MIKOTO-CHAN!" She danced around the room and clapped her hands chanting, "GRANDKIDS GRANDKIDS I GET GRANDKIDS!" (Remember kids, teen pregnancy is bad.) Sakura decided now was a perfectly good time to follow her boyfriends example and quickly fainted. However her mother took no notice of this either, as she was too busy trying to punch in the Uchiha land number.

•*.Mikoto Uchiha.*•

Mikoto was happily painting one of the many guest rooms a bright blue when the phone rang. She answered after setting her brush down. "Moshi Moshi!" was her happy chirp. She listened for a few minutes before her eyes widened and she nearly dropped the phone.

"REALLY?! YESSS!" She screamed.

She continued her ecstatic conversation with Saya for a few more minutes until she heard the front door open and Itachi's deep greeting of "Mother." Whispering a few words of good-bye, Mikoto hung up the phone and scrambled into the front entry room. She tackled her son and locked her arms around his neck. "THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!" she chanted happily. "GRANDKIDS! Oh Itachi! You've made me the happiest woman in the world!" Itachi choked for two reasons: one because his _sweet, tender_ mother was _suffocating_ him, and two, HOW HAD SHE ALREADY FOUND OUT?! Mikoto didn't seem to notice her son's rather blue face nor his shock as she happily cooed the word grandchildren into the air.

•*.Ino.*•

Ino grumbled and tried to sit up as she reached for her phone. Valiantly fighting off the previous nights hangover, she answered in a groggy tone.

"Hello?"

"Oi Pig... Uh hi."

Ino murmured incoherent things under her breath. "What Forehead? I'm trying to fight a hangover here!"

There was silence on the other line, Ino nearly hung up before she heard the words.

"Uh, Pig. I'm pregnant."

Hangover forgotten, Ino screamed into the phone. "YOU'RE WHAT?! HOW? WHOSE?" Sakura sighed on the other line.

"Pregnant you dumb ass. You know, it happens when a man's pe-"

"I know how it happens smart-ass!" Ino interrupted. "I mean how? You're not in a relationship and- OH _KAMI-SAMA_ ARE YOU A HOOKER? YOU BITCH HOW COULD YOU KEEP THIS FROM ME?"

On the other line Sakura's face turned red.

"_HOOKER?!_ YOU BLONDE BIMBO WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT IDEA? I'm in a relationship, it's just not public... No one's 'spossed to know..."

Ino snorted. "_Puh-lease_ Forehead. Who's your man? _Uchiha Itachi_?"

While Ino was laughing her ass off on the other line, Sakura cursed her friends sixth sense.

"Yes."

Ino stopped. The line went dead.

•*.Sasuke.*•

Itachi stared at Sasuke. Sasuke stared back. The staring contest continued until Sasuke broke the silence. "Aniki, why the hell did you call me here if you're just going to stare at me?" Itachi regarded him for a few minutes before he stood up. "Sakura's pregnant." He said before exiting. The thought swam in Sasuke's head for a moment before he put two and two together.

"_**YOU FUCKING BASTARD****!**_" Was heard throughout the Uchiha manor.

"**SASUKE WATCH YOUR MOUTH!**" Came Mikoto's shriek of rage.

Sasuke hung his head in shame.

•*.McDonalds Cashier.*•

"Hello mam! May I take your order?" The middle aged man greeted the pink haired teen. She paused, considering the menu of lipids and carbohydrates carefully.

"Hmmmmmm. I'll have the numbers: 1, 4, 6, 10, 8, two large fries, and a diet coke."

He stared at her for a moment, then looked around to see if she was with anyone.

"That's a lot of food mam." He replied without thinking. Sakura froze and stared at him. She looked at his name tag.

"So, your name's Bob?" He nodded. Her face darkened with anger.

"WELL _**BOB**_, ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT I'M _**FAT**_?!" Bob panicked and rapidly shook his head no.

"WELL IT SURE SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE! YOU BASTARD I'M FUCKING _**PREGNANT**_! I CAN EAT WHATEVER THE HELL I FREAKING FEEL LIKE EATING!"

Bob nodded. "Of course mam! I'm so sorry for my rudeness, would you like a coupon?"

Sakura growled. "KEEP YOUR DAMN COUPON AND JUST GIVE ME MY FOOD!" Bob handed her the food then promptly peed his pants and passed out. An old lady shook her finger at Sakura. "You young whipper-snappers these days! Getting knocked up and taking it out on other people! You should be ashamed-"

"_**SHUT THE HELL UP YOU OLD HAG!**_" The fiery tempered, pink haired, menace screeched. With those final words, she exited McDonalds, after flicking everyone off.

•*.Neji.*•

"Hello Hyuuga residence."

"Hyuuga."

Over the line Neji's eyes narrowed. "Uchiha."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Why the hell did you call?!"

"..."

"Dammit Uchiha answer me!"

"I have just called to inform you that the Uchihas have once again proven their superiority over the Hyuugas."

"What do you mean you pompous bastard?"

"Sakura, my girlfriend, is now pregnant."

"DAMN YOU UCHIHA SCUM!"

"*_smirk_*"

"_**ARRRRRRRRRRRRG****!**_"

•*.Ino.*• (again)

"Moshi Moshi?"

"Forehead OMG!"

"What pig?"

"Lyke, I just had this crazy ass dream!"

"Really?"

"Yea it was so fah-reaking strange! You called me up and I was all lyke WHA? And you were all lyke OMFG I'M PREGNANT AND IT'S UCHIHA ITACHI'S KID! SO I WAS ALL LYKE OMFG YOU BITCH! But then you hung up and I was all lyke wtf?"

"You retard I am pregnant! That wasn't a dream you freaking passed out! And are you drunk _again_?!"

"OMFG YOU BITCH! HOW DID YOU GET A PIECE OF THAT SHMEXY UCHIHA ASS BEFORE ME?! Also no I'm perfectly sober."

"Well maybe if you were pretty and intelligent, good things would happen to you."

"YOU BITCH!"

"SKANK!"

"SLUT!"

"WHORE!"

"ALCOHOLIC!"

"UGLY MOFO!"

"MUSHROOM SMOKER!"

"BEE LICKER!"

"PUPPY KICKER!"

"KITTY KILLER!"

"BUTT SNIFFER!"

"YOUR FACE IS SO UGLY SMALL CHILDREN CRY LOOKING AT IT!"

"YOUR BUTT IS SO HUGE I'M SURPRISED YOU DON'T GET STUCK IN DOORS!"

"..."

"..."

"So, you wanna be the god-mother?"

"Eh sure, why the hell not?"

•*Naruto.*•

"Eh Sasuke-teme, not that I don't appreciate it but, why are you taking me out for ramen?"

Sasuke shrugged and shifted uncomfortably. "I have to tell you something."

Naruto paused slurping down his noodles and regarded his friend carefully.

Sasuke grunted and starred fixedly at the ground. "Look dumb-ass this isn't easy for me to say. We've been through thick and thin together since we were small and I think it's only fair that I tell you of this 'discovery' that I've recently made."

If Sasuke hadn't been starring at the ground he would have seen Naruto's face pale dramatically.

Sasuke sighed, frustrated. "Okay, what I'm trying to say is that-"

"NONONONONO!" was the sudden terrified interruption.

Sasuke stared at Naruto, who was beginning to alternate between an alarming shade of white, then green, then red.

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR GAY ASS LOVE CONFESSION!"

Sasuke's jaw promptly connected with the ground. "LOVE CONFESSION?!" He spluttered.

Naruto paid no heed and continued to ramble at breakneck speed. "LOOK SASUKE-TEME I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST GAYS BUT I AM 100% STRAIT OKAY?! I LIKE BOOBIES! REALLY BIG ONES AT THAT! SO IT'S NICE THAT YOU FEEL THIS WAY AND ALL BUT NO PLEASE KAMI-SAMA, NO! BUT CONGRATS ON BECOMING OPEN ABOUT YOUR SEXUALITY!"

After Naruto's outburst a few men in the ramen stand looked pointedly anywhere but their dates chests. Said women turned bright red and smacked their dates across the face.

"YOU DUMB-ASS I WASN'T-" However, before Sasuke could continue his defense, he was interrupted, once again, by the sound of a chair sliding across the floor. A man wearing a pink T-shirt stood and began slowly applauding Sasuke. Then man next to him smiled and applauded Sasuke as well before linking hands with his date. Soon enough, the whole restaurant was applauding Sasuke for coming-out in a public place. Sasuke choked. "I'M NOT GA-" But it was too late and the damage was done. Realizing conversation was no longer possible, he grabbed Naruto by the back of his shirt and dragged him from the restaurant. "HELP! HE'S GOING TO RAPE ME!" Shrieked Naruto, his voice rapidly taking on a high pitch. Naruto's cry for help only seemed to encourage the crowd even more because they began to cheer and whistle. "NOOOO PLEASE!"

After Sasuke had hauled Naruto from the restaurant, he pulled him into an ally to continue his conversation from before. However the ominous ally-way only served to drive Naruto over the edge of sanity. "Nonononononono! Please Sasuke-teme! I'm to young to lose my virginity! I wanna be with girls! I thought we were friends! How could you bring me here to rape me!"

Sasuke thought he was just about ready to kill Naruto if he didn't shut-up,

"Look dobe, I'm not going to rape you!"

Naruto sniffled and cautiously looked at Sasuke. "You're not?"

Sasuke sighed. "No idiot."

Naruto exhaled in relief.

Sasuke shifted uncomfortably again. "But while we're still on the subject of losing virginity..."

Naruto began to cry again. "AAAHHHHH I KNEW IT! SASUKE-TEME YOU LIAR! YOU ARE GOING TO RAPE ME! HELP HELP I'M GOING TO BE RAPED! I'M GOING TO BE-" Naruto's cry was cut off as Sasuke clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Naruto you moron LISTEN! I'm NOT gay and I'm NOT going to rape you! _SAKURA_ is freaking _PREGNANT_ and it's _ITACHI'S_ kid!"

While Sasuke waited for Naruto to process the information, he began to think of ways to murder Itachi. Naruto began to cry again.

"SAKURA-CHAN HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US!?"

As the blonde idiot continued to bawl in the dark ally, Sasuke suddenly felt the need to cry as well; because the head-ache he was currently dealing with was certainly a good enough excuse.

•*Tsunade.*•

"Tsunade-sama, there is an important call for you on line three."

"Thank you Mizuki-san, I will take care of it immediately."

The woman known as Tsunade picked up the nearest phone and pressed the number three while her niece Shizune looked on questioningly.

"Hello?"

"Hi Auntie!"

Tsunade beamed. "Sakura-chan! What can I do for my little cherry blossom?"

Having learned that this news was being taken in better stride than she thought, Sakura announced cheerily, "I'm pregnant!"

There was silence over the phone as Tsunade processed this new fact. After a few moments, she abruptly dropped to the floor.

"Tsunade-ba!" Shizune screeched. Tentatively walking over to her aunt, Shizune poked her cheek. Unresponsive.

"Aunt Tsunade?!" Came Sakura's frantic cry. Shizune carefully picked up the phone as if it was poisonous.

"Eh, ohayo Sakura-chan... Tsunade-ba is currently, um, unconscious. What exactly did you tell her?"

"Shizune nee-chan! Well the thing is, I'm pregnant..."

A relieved smile spread over Shizune's face as she realized there was nothing wrong with her precious cousin. "That's great Sakura-chan! I'm sure Tsunade-ba will be happy to hear the news when she wakes up."

"Arigato Shizune nee-chan! I'll see you when you guys get back!"

"Bye Sakura-chan!"

•*Fugaku Uchiha.*•

Fugaku decided today was a good day. His company was flourishing, he had many new potential clients, and most importantly, it was Friday and he would get to go home to his wonderful family in about, the clock on his desk beeped, now. Standing from the plush chair, Fugaku grabbed his coat and exited his lavish office. He walked down the hall to the elevator. Once inside, he pressed the lobby button and waited patiently. After exiting the elevator, he approached the front desk. "Good-night Kimi-san." He said pleasently. "Good-bye Uchiha-sama. I hope you have a pleasant evening!" She called. The Uchiha clan head nodded and exited the massive building he owned. He got into his luxurious car and drove off towards his home.

Once he arrived at home, he opened the door and walked in. "Tadaima." he called. Fugaku listened for his wife's happy greeting but instead heard giggling. Curious he poked his head into the living room and saw his two son's, his wife, and a young-pink haired woman, all chatting happily. Well, really it was Mikoto and the pink haired woman talking while Itachi occasionally made a comment, Sasuke was pouting in a corner. At the sight of her husband, Mikoto jumped up. "Fugaku-kun! Hello dear!" Fugaku nodded in acknowledgement, his gaze straying to the exotically colored woman next to his son. She looked familiar for some reason. She stood and bowed. "Uchiha-san." she said in a clear-bell like voice. Now he remembered. She was Sasuke's little friend, he hadn't seen her in years. "Haruno-san, what brings you here?" he questioned. She stiffened but before she could say anything Mikoto cut in. "WE'RE GOING TO BE GRANDPARENTS FUGAKU-KUN! ISN'T THIS GREAT?!"

Fugaku went motionless, his eyes bulged out of his head. "We're going to be _what_?" he hissed. Mikoto's eyes widened at the tone. "**_Fugaku Uchiha _**you_** will** _ be happy about this or so help me Kami-sama I **_will _**cut**_ off _**your**_ testicles _**and let you_** bleed out**._" she hissed back, only with far more venom. At the rather horrifyingly painful promise, Fugaku, Itachi, and Sasuke all unconsciously moved their hands to guard their 'family jewels.' Deciding arguing with his wife wouldn't get him anywhere except the hospital with no balls, Fugaku settled for arguing with the person responsible for this. That pink haired girl. He stared at her menacingly. "_You._" He growled. Sakura looked left and right before pointing at herself questioningly. "Yes you." Sakura paled a bit. Fugaku raised his voice. "You seduced my youngest son and now your pregnant! You sick, twisted-" At hearing the "youngest son" part, Sasuke jumped up, eager to get the blame off of him and where it rightfully belonged. Onto his older brother. Sasuke nearly smiled at the thought, for the first time _ever_ Itachi would be getting the blame for doing something stupid and not him. '_Ha Itachi, good things do come from staying abstinent!' _

Before his father could carry on with his verbal abuse, Sasuke yelped in interruption. "Wait Father!" Fugaku turned to him. Sasuke quickly pointed at Itachi. "It's his kid! I stayed abstinent like a good boy!" Fugaku's eyes widened then darkened in a matter of seconds. While his father's back was still turned, Itachi flicked Sasuke off. Fugaku turned to Itachi and now that his back was turned to him, Sasuke stuck his tongue out at Itachi like the mature little boy he is. "You got a girl _five _years your _junior _PREGNANT!" Fugaku thundered. Itachi shrunk back only a miniscule amount. "Yes." While his father inhaled deeply in order to scream properly, Itachi quickly pointed to Sakura. "However I was forced into it unwillingly." Sakura looked incredulous.

"Excuse me?!" she shrieked. "WELL UCHIHA YOU DIDN'T SEEM ALL THAT UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN YOU WERE PRACTICALLY TEARING MY SHIRT OFF!"

Fugaku's eyes blazed. "ITACHI! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WAIT UNTIL MARRIAGE!"

Sakura turned to him. "OH COME OFF OF IT OLD MAN! NO ONE WAITS ANYMORE!"

"I do." Sasuke piped up angelically.

"SHUT UP SASUKE!" Sakura screamed.

"If I recall correctly Sakura, this is all your fault." Itachi stated obnoxiously. Sakura drew herself up to her full height of five foot three inches and screeched like a banshee. "MY FAULT?! I DIDN'T MASTURBATE AND GET MYSELF PREGNANT ITACHI! THIS IS ABOUT AS MUCH OF YOUR FAULT AS IT IS MINE!"

"OH PLEASE, YOU WERE THE ONE BEGGING TO BE FUCKED!" Itachi yelled, his voice now reaching maximum volume.

"REALLY? BECAUSE IF I RECALL CORRECTLY YOU'RE THE ONE WHO HAD A DICK AS HARD AS A ROCK! YOU WANTED IT AS MUCH AS I DID!"

At the atrocious language, Fugaku began to clutch his ears and scream, "MY POOR VIRGIN EARS!"

Sasuke began to say something when Sakura cut him off. "SHUT THE FUCKING HELL UP SASUKE! YOU'RE THE ONE THAT CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET TODAY AND TRIED TO RAPE NARUTO IN A DARK ALLY SO YOU CANNOT SPEAK!"

Fugaku gasped dramatically and began to cry. "SASUKE NO! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO STAY ABSTINENT! OH KAMI-SAMA! YOU'RE GAY!"

Sasuke turned purple. "I'M NOT GAY!"

As the four people in the room screamed profanities, insults and defenses, no one seemed to notice when Mikoto slipped out of the room. When she returned however, they noticed.

"_**SILENCE NOW!**_" The Uchiha matriarch roared, her voice as menacing as a lion. At the sight of the petite woman wielding a_** big-ass**_ **_gun_**, the four immediately stopped screaming_. _They all stared in a silent match. "I want each of you to sit on a piece of furniture right now." Mikoto ordered lowly. The others rapidly obliged and practically threw themselves onto the nearest couch. When they had all sat, Mikoto stared at them as if she was an animal surveying her prey. "Now that that problem is settled, lets all have a nice civil conversation about this." Sakura, Itachi, Sasuke, and Fugaku nodded quickly. "This baby is going to be born and it's parents are going to be the most kind and loving couple ever known to the earth, understand?" Itachi and Sakura both bobbed their heads rapidly. "This baby is going to have loving grandparents, who will respect the parents wishes and try to help in any way, understand?" Fugaku nodded rather stiffly but quickly nonetheless. "This baby is going to have a loving uncle who will match outfits with it and always be there to talk about boys if its a girl; and will also talk about boys if it's a boy and he makes the same decisions as his uncle, understand?" Sasuke groaned and smacked his head. "Mother I'm not-" "I said,_** understand?**_" Mikoto growled while caressing her gun lovingly. Sasuke gulped and nodded rapidly. The woman smiled. "Excellent, now who wants juice and cookies?" The other four raised their hands weakly.

* * *

**_Epilogue..._**

Sakura gave birth to a pair of twins. One girl with bright strawberry blonde hair and dark eyes named Amaterasu, and one dark haired boy with bright green eyes named Tsukuyomi.

Her and Itachi have never had a fight since the day they told Fugaku Sakura was pregnant.

Both have nightmares about Mikoto and her gun.

Fugaku eventually accepted the fact that he would be a grandfather and did his best to assist Itachi and Sakura during the late months of Sakura's pregnancy and the early months after the twins were born.

He now adores his grandchildren and does whatever he can to spoil them.

He always secretly favored Sasuke for staying abstinent.

He is also afraid of his wife and her gun.

Mikoto absolutely adores her grandchildren and proceeds to tell anyone about them anytime she is asked a question.

She loves her gun.

Saya and Mikoto became inseparable when they found out about the pregnancy. Like Mikoto, Saya brags about her grandchildren and how beautiful they are.

Saya wants her own gun now.

Ino is teaching her god-children not to go to parties and get drunk because hangovers are very bad.

She is afraid of Sakura's new mother-in-law.

Neji is still pissed at Itachi.

He secretly fears Itachi's mother.

Tsunade and Shizune were thrilled about Sakura's pregnancy and both were at the hospital to deliver the twins.

They love Mikoto and her gun.

After he stopped crying, Naruto was very happy for his best friend and became the god-father of the twins.

He thinks Sasuke's mom rocks.

Sasuke's family still thinks he's gay.

He is very afraid of the men that keep coming on to him and he secretly misses his fan girls.

He is more afraid of his mother and her gun to correct anyone who asks whats it's like to be gay.

To this day he has remained abstinent.

* * *

**Tada! Here we have the actual ending of 'The Marvelous Misadventures of Saya Haruno and Mikoto Uchiha!' Everyone thank YortUchiha for inspiring this fic. I hope I amused you guys! Also I should have a new chapter for 'bring your pet to work day', 'untitled (redone)' and several new projects coming out soon! I hope you keep a look-out for them! That's all guys! Remember, review or die. Your choice.  
**


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